Merry Christmas!

Well I was going to send this last night but, when I logged onto my PC it was very weird and almost looked virused. After a quick disconnect of the network cable and a reboot, things looked better but it was bedtime by then.

So here it is, Merry Christmas (as the song goes)…

An Irish Mother Writing to her Son

Dear Son,
Just a few lines to let you know that I’m still alive. I’m writing this letter slowly because I know you cannot read fast. You won’t know the house when you come home, we’ve Moved.

About your father, he has a lovely new job. He has 500 men under him. He’s cutting the grass at the cemetery.

There was a washing machine in the new house when we moved in but it isn’t working too good. Last week, I put 14 shirts into it, pulled the chain, and I haven’t seen the shirts since.

Your sister, Mary, had a baby this morning. I haven’t found out whether it’s a boy or girl so I don’t know whether you’re an aunt or an uncle.

Your Uncle Dick drowned last week in a vat of whisky in Dublin Brewery. Some of his workmates dived in to save him but he fought them off bravely. We cremated his body and it took three days for the fire to go out.

Your father didn’t have much to drink at Christmas… I put a bottle of castor oil in his pint of beer. It kept him going till New Year’s Day.

I went to the Doctor on thursday and your father came with me. The Doctor put a small tube in my mouth and told me not to open it for ten inutes. Your father offered to buy it from him.

It only rained twice last week. First for three days and then for four days. Monday it was so windy that one of our hens laid the same egg four times.

We had a letter from the undertaker. He said, if we don’t pay the last instalment on your Grandmother within seven days, up she comes.

Your loving mother…